A Different Kind of Laundry

Nov 6, 2011 by Gretchen Seefried

I’m feeling good.  Tired, but good. For the most part, the weather has cooperated for The Clothesline Project. Many women have expressed deep appreciation for the opportunity to be part of it, several friends have come through for me – helping set up or man the exhibit, and spreading the word.  The South Gaylord Street community has been very welcoming, especially John, Kit, and Anita, owners of Brushstrokes Studio.  If you’ve never been to this fabulous gallery, I urge you to put it on your list of things to do in Denver.  And while you’re on the block, stop a few doors down at Paula’s Arts At Denver Gallery as well.  Art is one of the best ways I know to reverse the insidious effect of this dastardly time change that brings too much darkness into our days.

From my initial partners at Girl Scouts of Colorado, to the many other people and organizations who have made the effort to be involved, I’ve been moved and buoyed by the response.  I want to express my gratitude to everyone who has helped bring this idea to fruition.  A special thanks to Denver District Attorney, Mitch Morrissey, who took the time to come speak about his commitment to crime victims, and Denver’s extraordinary standing as the top DNA department in the world!

 As I finished hanging some 150 shirts back up yesterday morning, I was alternately gratified by the men who stopped to read their messages, and dismayed by the ones that paid no heed at all to this massive exhibit.  Even worse than the men hurrying by to Sports Plus, one door down from our table of information, was that many of them had boys with them.  Little boys.  But not so little that a conversation about violence would be lost on them.  In fact, many of them were the perfect age for a little education.  If we wait too long to teach our sons that girls are people and not property, we will lose our window.  Have you ever tried to talk about something as personal and serious as sex and relationships with an adolescent boy?  Then you’ll know that the time to reach them, just like the time to teach girls, is when they are young and open.  Many of the women I talked with about the exhibit expressed their intention to bring their daughters. I propose that going forward we encourage viewers to bring their sons…

The fact is that violence against girls and women hurts boys and men too.  Men have the capability to be supportive, loving partners as well as strong, influential dads.  When given the chance to be their very best selves, men bring unique wisdom to their relationships.  By teaching them as boys how to manage uncomfortable feelings of anger, jealousy, shame, fear, insecurity, we give them the gifts of circumspection and self-control.

Men and teenaged boys who abuse women often don’t know any better.  They see it all around them in the way women are publicly marginalized in the media and privately marginalized in their homes. We have the power to change this, and to give men as well as women the opportunity to love and be loved.  Love trumps everything. Few things strike as deep a chord as love seen in glimpses of couples sharing the shelter of each other at the end of their lives.

As we close the Clothesline Project chapter for this year, I want to express my appreciation for the many other organizations that helped us to write it.  Many thanks to SafeHouse Denver, The Kempe Foundation for the Prevention and Treatment of Child Abuse and Neglect, Project PAVE, The Center on Domestic Violence at University of Colorado/Denver, the Women’s Collaborative for Colorado, the Women’s Bean Project, CWEE, Gateway Battered Women’s Shelter, St.John’s Cathedral, SPAN, Girls Inc., My Force, Body Bark, Bertha Lynn and Channel 7 News, and Bree Davies and Westword.

If you didn’t get a chance to participate or to view the display, no worries; as we all know, there is never an end to laundry.  The shirts will continue to make their way around Denver and Colorado one exhibit at a time.  We’ll keep you posted.  Please contact me if you’d like to add your voice to the project.

One final word of thanks and kudos to that anonymous good Samaritan and role model dad who offered his help…and his son’s, yesterday afternoon when it suddenly began to rain.  As this man and his freckle-faced ten-year-old handed me dozens of damp shirts, he thanked me for giving him the opportunity for a meaningful conversation with his son. And I thanked him – for providing me with  a little rainbow of hope for the future.

Warm Regards,

Gretchen

P.S. Thank you to sweet daughter Kris, too…whose random act of kindness was this little post-it note I found on my desk when I shuffled in, coffee carafe in hand,  to begin working on my letter.

I love you too, honey, I love you too!