Our Thoughts on Teenage Temptations

Mar 8, 2010 by Gretchen Seefried

I originally wrote this in 2002 when my oldest turned thirteen and suddenly all bets were off.  Sure, the kids scoffed when we handed them each their copy, but they can never say they didn’t know what we thought.

Our family, like most, has struggled with many issues, but none of them, I’m grateful to say, has been one of these.  Feel free to copy me word for word if it might be of use with your own teen(s).

1) DRUGS:   Don’t do them.  Ever.  No exceptions. They are dangerous, illegal, expensive and unpredictable. They have ruined millions of lives.  DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES TAKE DRUGS.  Even just once.

2) SEX:  You live in a culture that promotes and glamorizes early sexuality.  It’s okay to be curious about sex. It’s normal to be tempted to fool around. But if you fool around every time you are tempted you will be risking your health, your reputation and your future.  Teenagers generally don’t make good parents. And STDs are not only painful they are permanent.  If you are a carrier, you’ll be a pariah.  No kidding.

AIDS is an incredibly infectious disease that is spread by needles or sex.  It is usually fatal.  It would be incredibly tragic  (not to mention stupid) to do something sexually when you are a teenager that could end your life. Nothing is that good!  So be smart.  We know that you may want to experiment.  But you must decide how far you are going to go before you get into a sexual situation.  And before you make that decision, we want you to understand the basic moral principles that should always govern sexual intimacy with another person: IT SHOULD BE MEANINGFUL, IT SHOULD BE FREELY CHOSEN, IT SHOULD BE RESPONSIBLE, AND IT SHOULD BE PRIVATE.

Girls: be aware that sex is usually not kept a secret—no matter how charming your partner seems.  Boys: be respectful of the girls you know; don’t let the heat of the moment cloud your thinking.  A sexual relationship shouldn’t just happen in a vacuum.  If at some future date you decide to be sexually active (hopefully not until you are in an emotionally mature and committed relationship), make sure that it is a decision that you make after careful thought and at least some discussion with your partner.  Don’t let anyone talk you into it and make sure that you think about protection before, not after.  Come to us or another adult for help if you need it.  Sure, that might be embarrassing, but not nearly as embarrassing as genital warts or a toddler on your hip in high school…

3) SMOKING:  We hope this will never be an issue…but if you’re tempted, remember how hard it was for me to quit, remember how bad it smells when you are next to someone who smokes, remember your teacher with the yellow teeth and the old man next door coughing up phlegm.  Resist the urge to be cool.  You’ll be glad you did.

4) ALCOHOL:  Learning to drink seems to be a rite of passage.  You will undoubtedly be invited to try a beer long before you are legally of age.  Resist. The earlier you start drinking, the higher your chances of becoming an alcoholic. Drinking may seem like fun, but being drunk makes you take stupid risks, and having a hangover really feels lousy.

The other issue with drinking is driving.  Motor vehicle crashes are the number one cause of death among 15- to 20-year-olds.  If you are going to drink you must do so responsibly.  You must be in an environment that is safe and with people that you know you can trust.  Don’t drive if you’ve been drinking. Don’t ride with anyone who’s been drinking.  Don’t take chances.  You could ruin more lives than you can ever imagine.  And even if you have the good fortune to live through it, you’ll never be able to forgive yourself.

Feel free to eat too much junk, play your music too loud, stay up too late and engage in other age-appropriate behaviors.  We’ll be cheering you on and probably doing the same.